It happens all too often that I don’t know what to make of fucking reality anymore. I don’t know who I am versus who I’m expected to be. Is that normal? Is that life? Being constantly confused as to who oneself really is? Hopefully not. Hopefully I’ll just grow out of it. I just don’t know how much longer I can take this.
Maybe it’s my bipolar disorder getting back out of control, but I don’t know if I can handle that. The constant trying new medications, and talking to a man that I can’t bring myself to fully trust. Plus, i know it has to hurt my mom seeing her kid facing such dark thoughts. I cant make her hear another “yes” to the question “Any thoughts of suicide?” Thankfully I’m not there anymore, but am I headed right back down that road? Fuck that.
I need someone. Or do I need to learn to handle what life throws at me on my own? I don’t fucking know. I don’t know anything anymore. I need help.